I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
