Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
