I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
