Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's blow job season.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize