I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
