Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
