I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
