I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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