she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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