You can't motorboat a personality
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize