My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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