Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
