remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
