So drunk its hurt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
