wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
