Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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