If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
