evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
