So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
