I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
