She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
