Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
