So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
