there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
