Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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