I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
