Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
