i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
