Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
