walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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