Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize