it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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