I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
