just tell him i said nine months
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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