I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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