the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
