My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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