a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
