you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
