They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
