I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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