Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize