I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
