yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
