Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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