And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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