I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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