It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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