Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm like, not good at living.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
