Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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