Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
