Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
