why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
