So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
