yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
