I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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