This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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