I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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