my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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