He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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