my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
