I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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