Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize