I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
