..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
this hospital has no fireball
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
