I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
