I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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