the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
